book by Stanley Greenspan, M.D.

Finally, a book that seems to really address the real issues that parents of school-aged children face. Greenspan offers good strategies to deal with common problems and challenges and provides good advice on how to keep open communication with your child.

Below is a basic summary of several of the principals that Greenspan focused on. His book is filled with several detailed exampled of problems and how different families solved them. Definitely get the book to see real examples of different approached to use with your own school-aged child. Each of these principles is pulled directly from his book and he expands and elaborates on each one of them in detail.

Stages of Emotional Development for school aged children:

”The World Is My Oyster” - 4 ½ - 7 years old

• children posses tons of creativity
• children have a “sense of grandeur and omnipotence” about themselves
• children have triangular relationships with their parents and will try to play one parent off another

”The World Is Other Kids” - 7 – 9 years old

• children’s sense of self is defined by their peer relationships
• disappointments and loss are not well accepted
• children can be highly competitive during this stage

”The World Inside Me” – 10 – 12 years old

• children began focusing on their inner goals and values
• children’s sense of self esteem is a little more stable

Greenspan focuses on a five-step philosophy for effective communication between parent and child:

Floor time

• promotes self esteem and parent-child
• places the child in charge of the interactions
• benefits the child’s health and emotional well being

Problem-Solving Time

• parent and child have a shared agenda
• circles of communication are opened and closed, be careful to not talk at, talk past, or lecture
• negotiation is encouraged, even if parent still have the final say
• takes time to build up to more complicated conversations and parents need to slow down and take time to let the conversation develop

Identify and Empathizing with the Child’s Point of View

• know that children have good reason for their actions and parents should respect their reasons even if they don’t agree with it.
• parents should empathize with their child’s feelings even if they are difficult to accept.
• disagreement is fine as long as a parent first understand why a child did something or felt a certain way

Breaking Challenges Into Small Pieces

• allow the child to master a step at a time and feel good about their accomplishments.
• see the book for examples on how to break apart larger challenges

Setting Limits

• make broad boundaries based on general principles instead of several smaller limits
• avoid restricting developmental activities, such as time with friends (definitely read why playtime with friends is so important)
• time-out and isolation isn’t always the best choice and can send mixed messages to the child.
• empathy and closeness is needed when setting and enforcing limits

For more information on all of these ideas, read Playground Politics by Stanley Greenspan.

Playground Politics: Understanding the Emotional Life of Your School-Age Child

written on October 24, 2003; modified on October 28, 2003.