spectating participant

May 1, 2006

sleepless nights

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 2:14 am

I’ve been told that deciding to buy a house can keep people up at night — it is true. We’ve found a house that I think we are interested in. It has many pluses and many minuses: school vs location, yard vs rowhouse, living space vs heating/cooling, price vs commute, etc. It has all of these things and we may be able to get it for the price we are looking for. Then again, we might not. But it is keeping me up as I worry about someone else coming along and buying it. I worry that we will get it and it’ll be the worst thing ever. I worry that we won’t get it and it’ll be a major loss in terms of potential. I worry that we’ll end up in a lesser school district if we don’t take it. I worry that I’m misjudging the neighborhood too much. I worry about spending money to buy it. I worry about finding nothing else and being trapped in apartment hell. I worry about future improvements and the cost of them. I worry about living within the current conditions. I worry and I worry and I worry and I don’t get any sleep. I worry that tomorrow will come and the house will be under contract and not under our contract.

My knowledge base for so many things keeps increasing and increasing as I worry and worry. I know so much about gravity heat and the efficiency, or lack of, for converted heating systems. I know more about plaster walls and old house quirks and annoyances. I know more about investment opportunities and community revitalization and development in local neighborhoods. I know more about zoning and upcoming tax laws. I know more about stress.

I have a presentation this afternoon. I have to administer and grade a practical exam this afternoon. I have to write a midterm paper and redo a historical figure essay for tomorrow. I have to develop a presentation for a class for tomorrow. I have to somehow make the world right.

Yet, I lay in bed considering the fact that I have no where to live. This is what is really driving me, driving me to get things done and driving me crazy. I do not accept unknowns, I do not tolerate leaving things to the last minute. I’ve had numerous situations where I’d have no where to live IF I didn’t find something. I’ve never let that impending date get so close. I don’t know how to juggle the wants and needs and costs in solving this issue. I don’t know how to stop obsessing and micro-focusing on this one property. I know it is a bad idea to get really interested in a property, especially one that is a small stretch to afford. But I need a place to live and honestly I really like this property and all the neat little plusses about it.

What I really need to to go to bed and stop obsessing over how to make it work, how to improve the property, how to do things that are not relevant to this weeks expectations and obligations. oh so many needs right now and exhausted resources for meeting most of them.