spectating participant

November 17, 2006

i .heart. change

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 11:30 pm

Well, this isn’t exactly true but I sure like to structure my life around change, over change, in change, and all throughout change. And it has been a few weeks, a couple hours, maybe a day or two since the last greatest change and so obviously it is time to re-aquatint myself with this oh-(not)-so-distant friend…

Of course, I ain’t actually gonna say what the change is, because like all major transitions, it is a transition and progression of steps and stages. Today was step one and the change won’t be complete for several weeks. The timing is not the greatest but change doesn’t always consult the farmers almanac before acting.

So I’ll see if anyone can actually guess at the change and be amused and maybe somewhat depressed by the assumptions that some people will probably make. oh, and I’ll give up a throw away hint, it is neither an overall positive or an overall negative change. It’s just change.

November 14, 2006

food coma

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 4:19 pm

I’m stuffed, over stuffed, oh I ate too much. We had a thanksgiving party at work - lots of food, lots to drink, lots of great conversation. What a wonderful time and the food was fantastic. But now, I’m tired, I just want to go to sleep.

November 10, 2006

have I mentioned..

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 10:31 am

… that I hate living in Maryland? I feel crushed, worn out, exhausted, and so dead in life. I thought that I could pull together a kick ass job and that would make things better, but it doesn’t. I thought I could live somewhere so that alex could stay in the same school and that would make things better, but it is not. There is no light in sight, there is nothing that makes me think that anything is gonna get any better. Instead it is an indefinite holding period, life on hold, where nothing is ever gonna get better. “Someday” “oneday” too late really.

While I do have a great job and on many levels I really enjoy the work I’m doing — I’m constantly exhausted, I hate the rush rush rush pace, I’m tired of the commute, and most of all, I’m getting way too overwhelmed by Alex’s consistent pushback against the new schedule and working situation. Every day is another battle with her, every day she makes a fuss about what she can’t do because no one is home with her right after school. A lot of that is her issue because, even with my long commute, I don’t get home late (thanks to going in really early).

Last night, I told Chris we need to leave. I told him that nothing was going to get better here, that this general geographic area will continue to fight against the things we want. What we need to do is move away, find another place, and get the things we want now. He said “maybe in ten years” — I can’t do ten years. I can’t do one year or two years. We’re moving in August for sure and it needs to be far away from here. But he says it’ll cost too much to move all his stuff — but the reality is that any house we can afford to buy will mean he’s going to lose it all anyways because there won’t be ay room for it.

I hate living here. I know what it is like to live somewhere where you can breathe, you can stop and think, you can enjoy the things in life that matter. Here there is no space for that, no time for that, and no way for that to compete with everything else that must happen just to stay alive. I just don’t think I can continue to live here, we’ve got to leave.

November 9, 2006

Way to Go Make:

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 3:22 pm

We’ve had a Make: subscription since it came out and we’re floored with the first couple issues. I thought it was just the coolest magazine ever. And then.. it got boring and dull — for me. I’m sure others still thought it was great, but I found the articles were getting to narrowly focused and we leaving out a good portion of their audience. There would be maybe one or two articles worth checking out but the majority of it was a waste of time.

And then, this month’s issue shows up and it is just like the very first few. I eagerly scanned the cover and decided to go to bed early just so I could start reading. I then read through the whole thing just to get up and take it to work so I could read it again. I’ve found more than 90% of the content worth reading word for word and really liked the projects included this time.

Thank you Make, I was getting underwhelmed and you’ve kicked up the notch and brought back the variety that I love. Oh, and the article on Nikola Tesla didn’t hurt either.

Side note: Make came out with a Craft magazine as well – I’ve not decided my opinion on it yet. The first issue wasn’t all that impressive and I’m hoping it’ll improve as time goes on. However, I think that they may have made a mistake in trying to split the occasionally crafty aspect out of the original format. Variety is good. Narrow focuses are not as good.

November 7, 2006

Damned Choices

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 3:10 pm

I hate elections and I hate having to choose between candidates that are mixed bags of good and bad attributes. I want to vote on issues and not have to select which issues I have to compromise on in order to make a choice. Sigh. I’ve taken several hours today to further verify my selections before heading to the polls and it seems like an almost waste of time because I can’t say that I want either candidates to take office – most of them drown their few redeeming qualities in negative track records and opinions on other issues I care about. I guess I don’t understand how so many people feel so confident about their selections – are they just politically aligned with the dominant pedagogy of one party or another, or are they simply participating so that they can feel entitled to bitch about the government?