spectating participant

September 28, 2005

i hate math, i really do

Filed under: school — suzanne henderson @ 2:46 pm

yet, it is so much fun to punch in numbers and pull out answers from various equations. Whether it is to get a z-score for some statistics stuff, or if it is to find x in a quadratic equation. But really, I do hate it, its just fun to do when it actually works out right.

September 23, 2005

light at the end of the tunnel

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 10:35 am

It has been a bad two weeks and finally things are pretending to improve. It all started with the bachelorette party 2 saturdays ago, the planning meeting the next day, back to school night on the monday, alex’s therapy on tuesday, eye exams on wednesday, evening plans on thursday, back to school picnic on friday, friend’s birthday party saturday night, wedding in philly on sunday, monday a quiz in class and last minute grocery shopping for cupcake supplies, tuesday alex’s birthday dinner, wednesday homework due and I’m fried, thursday I finally stayed home and cooked dinner.

of course, tonight is a slumber party for alex, but I think that will work out okay. The weekend is mostly open, I plan to get caught up on the millions of things that I am behind on, and will pray that things continue to improve. I’ve actually called my therapist to go see her again. I’ve been on summer hiatus; things have been fine for the most part. But, it is usually a good idea to touch in with her while life is in hectic mode. Only downside is that my insurance deductible started over, so I’ll be throwing out $75 a session for the first few until it is covered. Oh well, it is still worth it. So, no more pretending that I am supermom or superwoman, and back to making sure I don’t overbook my time while pretending that it won’t have a negative effect on my mood.

September 22, 2005

the psychology of seeing

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 9:58 am

I finally made it to the optometrist to get my contact lens prescription renewed and finally have contacts again. It has been quite a while since I’ve worn contacts regularly and I’m finding that I am still more comfortable with my glasses on. In fact, it seems that I can see better with my glasses on only because the physical presence of my glasses. With the contacts, I am constantly reaching about for my glasses, wondering where they are, and feel like I (obviously) can’t see without them. I will be wearing my contacts and having no problems seeing anything until it occurs to me that I don’t have my glasses on. Then suddenly, things get a little blurry until I remember that I have contacts in and the lack of glasses doesn’t matter. It all seems a bit strange. Maybe the contacts just aren’t working all that well and I’m making up excuses why. Or maybe my body does think that it can only see with glasses on and it isn’t eager to give up it’s dependence.

September 20, 2005

happy birthday, alex

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 7:46 am

10 whole years have passed, wow. It seems like a long time. So much change has happened in the world, in our lives, and in alex. she is getting bigger, thats for sure, smarter in so many ways, and a wonderful girl overall. i’m so lucky to have such a wonderful daughter. i’m so grateful that we have more time to spend together and that we feel a bit closer than we have in the past. and while she still drives me batty sometimes, it is an amazing adventure having her around. happy birthday, little girl.

September 17, 2005

I’m so proud!

Filed under: family, life — suzanne henderson @ 2:39 pm

This happened on Sunday and I’m just finally posting about it now (yes, life has been that busy).

Alex wanted to fire spin and so she did. This is the first time she ever spun fire and already she is addicted. I think it is time to start practicing at home more so that she can improve and maybe even spin at PDF next month. Here is a pic:

September 9, 2005

visions of linear functions dance through my head…

Filed under: school, life — suzanne henderson @ 7:50 am

Please kill me now, I’m actually dreaming about math problems. Now, I have a math review course every day of the week with homework assigned daily. Also, it is kicking my ass and bringing up all sorts of feeling of incompetency and stupidity when it takes me 3 tries to get a single problem right. Also, I know that I don’t really understand this stuff very well and feel that I’m almost wasting my time doing all of this if I’m not going to be able to pass the test because I can’t remember how to solve a particular type of problem for more than 48 hours. But, I’ll have to give it a try. Last night I was actually in tears because of a problem that I got wrong time and time again and the book was showing all the steps that I was using, except a different answer. I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Then Chris comes in to give me a hand and it turns out that I was right and the book is wrong. Ahhh! I can’t deal with the book being wrong, because it’s the only thing that has a clue about what the answer should be. I solve things and can’t tell you if it is right or wrong.

sigh, I’m getting all stressed out about the placement test coming up in a few weeks. I feel like I won’t have enough time to take it and really work through the problems slow enough to avoid the endless mistakes that I make. and now, I’m having dreams about this crap. argh.

September 6, 2005

shaded wireless

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 12:39 pm

it is nice when the university offers full wireless access outside. I get teh chance to sit below the shade of some trees, the wind blowing softly, and the temperature (in the shade) just perfect. I want to set aside the laptop, find a blanket, perhaps a book, and just nap away the afternoon. But, instead I’ll be walking into another building shortly and checking out an Educational Statistics and Measurement course. I can’t recall what this one is actually called. Hopefully it isn’t too complicated. There are a few things that I need to check on, so much for catching up on writing.

September 3, 2005

scraps of time

Filed under: life — suzanne henderson @ 7:25 pm

School began for Alex and I. She had a great first week and has adjusted to the school routine nicely. I also had a good week and think that I will really enjoy my classes. The only hard part is that I have math every day and the assignments do not make a lot of sense on their own. Luckily both Chris and Megan are great at math and have been willing to help me get through the lessons. Also, I’m working ahead in the class so that I have a better chance of scoring high enough on the placement exam to go into MATH 111 vs MATH 110. I need 111 for my major, so I’d rather just get straight to it.

I’ve been working hard on securing my routines so that life moves smoothly around here. It seems that I’m getting a bit anal about them, but I know that they are very helpful in the end. I’ve always hated them before because it made life so restrictive, but I’ve noticed that having them really frees up my time to do things that I want. The best part is that I’m able to just have fun on weekends and I don’t have to go and do anything or clean anything because the house is dealt with during the week.

So, my writing are limited due to school and computer problems. Our wireless has been broken for a while now, and I guess now that it is also affecting Megan it might actually get fixed. Top that with elemental, the server that my email is still one, being flakey and mostly unaccessible from home, it makes getting online sort of pointless. Looks like I’ll have to start connecting at school if I want to keep up with things.

Also, the news about Katrina has been rather distressing. At first I was all concerned about m&m and their losing their beach house (it is gone, as though it were never there) but that is so small and insignificant compared to the losses of so many people. Stories that I’ve read and heard about break my heart and pull about such sadness that I’m retreating back into my own little circle of life and existence. I know it probably isn’t the best way to deal with things and is probably very immature, but it is just all so overwhelming and brings about so many thoughts, fears, concerns, and what-ifs that it is basically information and emotional overload.

So, I’m focus on my family and the fun that we’ve been having. Family time is going well and I feel so much closer to Alex since we had so much time together this summer and because I’m making sure that she gets focused time every day. Life, here at home, is going well.