spectating participant

February 28, 2005

bark bark bark

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 11:18 am

Hunter, the dog, is barking today. He and Sammy get locked in their cages when Mark and Megan go to work. It saves me from having to deal with them or even remember to put them away when I leave. However, if Alex is also home, Hunter gets antsy and wants out. I can’t really argue with that, but it still annoys me that I have to deal with the dogs sometimes. I really don’t like animals, this is no surprise, mostly because I hate having to take care of something that needs it. But, I also feel bad that I have no compassion for the animals in this house. Occasionally, I get small moments of endearment for the dogs. Sammy has this ‘I’m such a stupid dog’ look that is almost cute from time to time and Hunter just gives you that ‘love me’ lab look occasionally. However, once those brief moments are over, it is back to wishing they weren’t here.

And then there is the cats. Spud, Pepper{mint Patty}, and Charlie {Brown}. Pepper is flat out obnoxious, meow at everything in this insanely whiney tone. Seems to never be happy where she is at, it skittish most the time, and cowers in my closet when I’m trying to get her out. Spud has issues and sometimes he gets the most sympathy from me. His mission is to try to kill anyone walking around the house, especially the kitchen; he constantly winds in and out of your feet and gets stepped on *all* the time because of it. I get to thinking that he really just likes affection, but when he gets all pissed off for getting stepped on and dislikes being pet, si that thought flies out the door. Charlie, I can like in silence. He is just your average fat cat that just lazes around the house, will let you pet him if you want, and doesn’t do anything obnoxious. So, I guess there is one animal in the house that I don’t strongly dislike.

I guess that I worry that disliking animals is some sign of brokenness. I think that people will think me cold because I don’t get all sentimental about four legged, walking rugs. But, I don’t like them. I prefer a house where I can stay gone as long as I want, for weeks even, and not have to make arrangements to have something at home cared for. I like knowing that I won’t have to take a sick animal to the vet for unexpected pet bills. I like knowing that the only living creature I’m responsible for is able to fend for her own needs from time to time.

And, the disclaimers: I like Dave and Steph’s dog Nicki because he is smart, well trained, and enjoyable to be around. I have also considered getting a dog after alex grows up if I feel that I can put the insane amount of time and attention into it to making sure that it is a good, well behaved dog that I can take camping and hiking and out if I have to. I will never like a small rat dog or any dog smaller than a lab.

February 24, 2005

too much stuff

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 2:43 pm

I’m finally getting to the stuff I dropped off in the garage and stopped worrying about after I moved. It isn’t a great deal of stuff; however, all of it seems to be useless random crap. I have done a good job of filtering and sorting everything up to this point, but this is all the stuff that I don’t know what to do with. Sigh, I thought moving was over, but here I am trying to figure out how to fit more stuff in a room that I like just as it is.

On a more positive note, the snow is beautiful! And, all of my burning man gear is fully unpacked. I thought that I’d unpacked it all a while ago, but no, I just found and unpacked some more. And my hands are playafied now.

snow day

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:45 am

School is out for both Alex and I. When Mark told me this morning, I was all pissed off. “What?! Cancelled and it isn’t even snowing yet?!” But, I suppose he had the good old stand-by excuse, maryland is unprepared to deal with snow. Oh well, I’m happy to get another dose of snow this winter, I was worried that we were all out of wintery goodness. Now, to figure out how to spend my day since I don’t have to be in class from 9 to 7.

This snow sure makes me miss Wisconsin so much more. I guess I’ll actually have to go visit this summer for vacation, if I’m not submerging myself in summer classes to try and catch up. And of course, there is the winter solstice in December. maybe I’ll actually get to go this year if school doesn’t interfere. And, if not, going over Christmas and New Years seems like a good plan too.

So many things that I’m always wanting to do. But, unfortunately, I can’t get to them all. Must pick and chose, which really just means, must do what suits the mood when it strikes. I think I’m gonna get organized enough to get to the store this morning. It seems like a good day to work on getting more stuff out of the garage. I’ve fallen behind on doing that since I moved in November. Plus, what is a little snow on the road? I know my car can deal and if not, there is always the Big Bad Truck. Heh, a little overkill so early in the showering of flakes.

February 23, 2005

childish, marked by or indicating a lack of maturity

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 11:34 pm

Damn, starting to understand the joy that [Rob|Rob Carlson] took in posting certain things to his website. I mean, there can be some real pleasure in the amusements of life from time to time.

So, in follow up to the crazy chicks comment, I emailed my ex about the call I got: email to ex. From the infrequent conversations we’ve had in the past few years, he has made it pretty clear that he tends to end up with very jealous (and maybe insecure, in my opinion) women. Our emails have always taken this stuff rather lightly, so I couldn’t help responding in kind.

I didn’t hear anything back from him, but tonight I got an email from the girlfriend.

Ooops, guess I betrayed some confidence that I didn’t know I’d signed up for. When reality is that I don’t know this woman and getting a random call like this is a bit freaky. More importantly, I know my ex and he’s the first person I’d contact about something like this, not some stranger on voicemail. So sorry.

I’m guessing that my letter didn’t go over so well or something, not sure. Who knows what can of worms that opened, perhaps it would have worked out a bit differently if I’d been emailed first. Cause really, calling me is always a bad idea. Email, that I can deal with and respond to in a possibly more reasonable manner.

This still amuses me. And I’m not sure what to even think on the car comment. Either the gal is just being catty or the ex is telling short ended or creative tales to avoid looking like an asshole. Oh well, I know the car is mine and free and clear of all monies owed. And, I know that the circumstances surrounding that decision/agreement certainly isn’t something I’d be airing out to my current honey, at least not in the middle of bouts of insecurity. Intriguing tales of past illicit behavior, lying, and deception are far more suited to stable points in a relationship.

One last note: stuff with the ex fizzled out a long time ago. I have no more residual anger or angst regarding the entire situation. Everything ended badly, in my view, but that is just how things happen sometimes. In fact, I humor the idea of being quasi-friends with him on some far-removed, beyond arms-length-distanced scale. But, that just might be to see just how life is actually working out, or not working out; far more a mild amusement than real interest.

February 22, 2005

crazy chicks

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 10:10 pm

I got the strangest voicemail today. I missed two calls from a 262 area code; it took me a while to remember that 262 is a Wisconsin area code, how interesting. The second time the person left a message. If it’d rang a third time, I was planning to answer it in hopes that it would be someone like [BobbyG], I think I’m glad that I didn’t… Or would it have been more fun if I did?

It seems that this girl is calling me from Wisconsin cause her boyfriend was looking at my website. She wanted to know why. Hmmm, now lets see, aww yes… it makes perfect sense to call up the owners of individual websites and ask them why someone else is looking at their site. It’s a fucking website, sheesh, people look at them from time to time and I can’t say why. Hell, I don’t even know why I post, much less why someone reads it.

Now, there was one additional amusement to the whole thing. She is the current girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend of mine, one that I spent some time living with in Wisconsin. I manage to exchange email with him about once a year, if even that anymore. But I’ve been able to tell that he has a pretty strong pattern of dating crazy women (yes, it could be said that I fall in that category), but this one really amuses me. I mean, really? Call up someone because your boyfriend is looking at some other woman’s website? Little bit kooky to me.

But a small consideration in her favor. I remember dating him and he certainly gives all sorts of indications and reasons to get to feeling a little insecure and jealous from time to time. Perhaps it is just his manner or maybe it is that he seems enjoy the intimate company of women in addition to the one he is dating. But still, there is a sanity level, or line, that suggests that calling up some woman in Maryland is a little over the top.

mac envy

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 11:57 am

I finally walked into a computer lab on campus. Since I normally bring my laptop, I had no reaso to stroll in here and sit now. And now that i have, I’m jealous. Working on a dual processor G5 with a 15inch flat panel display (or I think that is the size). Mmmm. Not that my laptop has been lacking in any way, nope it is still chugging along, occasionally providing that extreemly annoying popping sound that I know how to solve but am not willing to take it into the shop for… Wow, panic moment, suddenly worried that apple care was a 2 year option and not 3. Okay, panic over. But still, mmmm-machine.

I’m busy, what a surprise. School is going good, no insane personal issues mucking up the waters. Nothing but spending time think, think, thinking.

February 15, 2005

mommy, my head hurts

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:41 pm

well, I guess I won’t be whining to my mother about this, but still…. My head is killing me. Chris is putting the dishes away and the clanging of plates is reverberating in my teeth, ouch. I stayed home today and called my doctor to discuss the side effects. I’m dropping the dose down because the headache and other stuff is just too much. I’ve decided to just drop the [topamax] all together because it isn’t worth it at all. Megan and Mark dealt with bringing home dinner since I wasn’t cooking and since I vetoed what Chris was willing to make. Sure is nice having a houseful of people willing to work together on things, so nights I don’t feel like making anything or if I am not feeling good, things still get taken care of.

So, off to read to alex, do a little reading, and then off to sleep. Alex has a dentist appointment to get some xrays done before starting the orthodontist appointments later this week.

February 13, 2005

research galore

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 11:20 am

I’ve been in full research mode this weekend and for good reason: I added up all the pages I have to write this semester and I’m looking at 102 pages of research. I have no time to waste. However, I think today I need to look at making sure I get my reading done for next week instead of burying myself in academic journals, as fun as they are to drown in.

School is moving along fairly smoothly right now. The only hitch is that my doc has notched up one of my meds, the one with the most side effects, to more than double. So, right now I’m struggling with a relentless headache that is unresponsive to pain relief meds and constant nausea. This is the same medication, that combined with a spell of severe depression, that I lost 20 pounds when starting it and was eating less than 2 cups of food a day. So, I’m using my research as a distraction and reminding myself that this will eventually pass, or that it better. I just have to deal with it the best that I can because I can’t afford the distraction; more importantly, I can’t afford a tip of the emotional scales.

February 7, 2005

juggling time and money

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 9:47 pm

I’ve been juggling lots of things lately and today has pushed forward on the productive front.

On the Money Front:

1st. I’ve paid off my laptop, a year early. I needed that monthly payment amount to go somewhere else (see number 3).

2nd. I’ve paid off my only current credit card debt. The interest rates were insane and I’ve not been able to tread water on it so off it goes.

3rd. Arrangements for Phase I of Alex’s orthodontic care have been made ($2800). I’ve dropped some of my monthly commitments and I can pay almost half and make monthly payments for the rest.

4th. Summer camp application sent. Alex is old enough for the quaker camp this year, so I managed to send in the application just a little late. Hopefully she gets into Catoctin, if not, there are 2 other camps that she prolly has a good chance getting in. I also signed up to do the workgrant option of working at least one week at camp to reduce fee.

On the Time Front:

The semester is moving smoothly. I dropped one course due to level and amount of work. I want to compete a few more of the anthropology courses before tackling that one. I’m taking another Educational Policy course and this one has added several time commitments to my schedule. I’ll be working in DC schools with a project that I am excited about, so I’m not too bummed about that additional time commitment. However, I had to add another 2 hour class (for 8 weeks and 1 more credit) just for this course. Oh well, Educational Policy is related to what I want to be doing so it’s all good.

Alex’s orthodontics have been a big step. This is the beginning of a three year process. Also, I’ve decided to go with an office that I am aware probably charges slightly to somewhat higher rates. However, I am very impressed with their medical and professional staff. They did an amazing job making Alex feel comfortable with her visit, they answer so many of my questions and did a very thorough job explaining all the elements of the current process and upcoming phases. For companies who go that extra mile, it still pays. Soon, Alex will have a [palate spreader] tucked away in the top of her mouth, well it doesn’t look at painful as it sounds at least. To be followed by a [herbst appliance] to help realign her bite and eventually braces to straighten her teeth. Long, drawn out process that I think alex will appreciate later in life, though she is more accepting of the idea each day.