I’ve been drowning in my mind, tied up with fears and suspicions, whipped with impossible ambition, mocked by love’s lack of abandonment. A strange torment of reality and absurdities has whispered in my ear all the things I don’t want to hear. I’ve let it steal me into a broken, nervous sleep, jarred by moments left grasping for normalcy and redundancy but lost to hope of consistency. It hasn’t been fun or exciting, but there were red flags, blinking lights, bells and whistles going off left and right to let me know this would happen. But when I bite into stubbornness, I bite hard and it takes blood in my mouth for me to back off.
So, now I’m favoring my torn cheek and stepping back a little, hiding from life a little till balance returns to my life. It’ll show up again, it always does, and I’ve taken the tender steps I need to make it happen. In fact, tonight I may take the one last intial step I need to get back to dancing in starlight, or at least stop weeping in the shadows. Thankfully, I’ve gotten one of the strongest horse kicks to the brain that I needed, even dripping with depression, I’m loved and cared for and it isn’t gonna push those I love away.