spectating participant

September 30, 2004

PDF planning

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 1:52 pm

Yes, it is that time of the year again, getting ready for Playa del Fuego. And, I’ve got all my plans taken care of: I’m not going.

This will be my first one to miss since I started going. To keep with this trend, this Winter Solstice Burn will be my first to miss since it start and Burning Man 2005 will (most likely) be skipped next year. School comes first.

So, yay, I’ve managed to disperse 12 tickets to rangers and other volunteers who missed out on the original sales. I like that I feel like I’m at least contributing man hours to the event, sure would be more than I’d do if I was there.

So, instead of PDF, I plan to recover from 2 weeks of midterms and take Alex on a two day hike. Off to see if fall has hit anywhere in the state (or nearby states) yet and enjoy the, quiet, outdoors. Whoo! That sounds so nice right now.

still tired

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 1:39 pm

My sleep solution didn’t work. I was up several times last night and then working on homework by 5am. Oh well. At least this is a disturbed sleep and not the kind where I have too much energy to sleep.

I’m falling in love with physical anthropology. It is just really neat, evolution and genetics, and all this really cool stuff. At first I was convinced I wouldn’t like it, that it would be tedious and boring. Not the case at all. Seems my archaeology class is covering the dull subjects I thought were included in physical anthropology. I want to study it further, but it means more science classes, which means more time committed to studying and learning something, not just reviewing.

That being said, took my midterm today. Not too sure on how I did. But I still like it regardless.

sleepless night #3

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 1:54 am

yay late nights! well, not really, but what difference does it make if I am happy about it or not. they say that if you have trouble sleeping, that after 20 minutes you should get up and do something, then go back to bed and try again. So, I’m doing something. I have a midterm tomorrow (well today actually) and need to do more studying. My alarm goes off in about 3 hours.

On a better note, my mom and alex went to [mount everest] yesterday and brought home leftovers that I got to eat. yummmy!

time to try some more sleep. hopefully I’m not back here in 20 minutes. :)

September 29, 2004

too early

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 4:10 am

Sigh. I hate it when I can’t sleep. I hate it more when it’s two nights in a row. I think tonight I’ll have to find somewhere else to sleep so that sleep can happen. Bah, no energy. Have lots I need to do this morning, and just want to curl up and try to finally rest. I’m pretty sure that I could get some sleep down here on the couch, but then I won’t get this architecture project completed and then I won’t be doing good in school. Sigh, sleep is overrated I guess. Maybe tonight… after I work until too late, I’ll be able to.

September 27, 2004

biking goodness

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 2:22 pm

In case I haven’t mentioned it lately. I love biking! Now, if I could just get my bike adjusted. It has been cranky this week and thats making me cranky. I did a through cleaning and lubing of it this weekend hoping that would help, but after riding up to REI (to exchange the two-week-old backpack I broke for a new non-broken one), it’s just as cranky as it was before.

I have a midterm in physical anthropology and am in over my head in genetics. I don’t have time to deal with a cranky bike.

Back to gene mutations….

September 25, 2004

heahache brings in the morning

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 7:00 am

I woke before morning’s breath had cast a hazy hue against the night sky. I watched to color seep across the sky, spreading further and further, a delicate periwinkle blue. Soon the sun will cross the horizon, bathing the room with light, and I’ll already be sitting here waiting.

I left work, last night, with a terrible headache. I stopped in the kitchen long enough to take something for it, checked email as fast as I could (wondering why I was even bothering), and tried to escape to sleep. The pain and pressure was interesting, in that strange masochist way. Lying on my side, I could feel the pressure trying to push out of my skull and seep down into the ground. I wanted to be able to split my head open enough to just let it go.

But I eventually managed to find sleep, after waiting and waiting for it to back off just a little. The dreams were intense, but that is no surprise lately. I woke up many times wondering what was actually happening. There was just enough reality injected into the absurd to force me to try and balance and reason.

Dreams have been a overwhelming lately. Some so full of emotion that I haven’t been able to go back to sleep, left wandering the house at 2:00 am. I woke before five this morning, content to lay in bed and piece back reality and confirm that nothing had actually happened since last night. But, I still feel off. Constantly off lately.

My mind has run away with ideas and possibilities and realistic realizations, stirring more stress into my dreams and the silent moments of day. I’m losing the ability to determine what is absurd and what is a real concern. So, now I’ll just wade through and hopefully things will improve before I must give up and walk away. I’ve past my tests of patience and must finally face the line of waiting for actualization of all the things I fear (and see no way of avoiding anymore) and when shuffling my feet is costing me too much. No wonder my dreams keep plaguing me as I try to escape in sleep.

Aww, pink ripples have joined the fading blue. good morning, starshine…

Listening to “A Thousand Miles” by [Beth Amsel].

September 24, 2004

comment-spam attack

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 9:04 am

Ahh! I’ve been attacked by comment spam on another one of my blogs. For some reason, I can’t seem to figure out the way that I full disabled it on this blog. My first simple attempt failed, my next more invasive attempt failed, my third “knock out any possible comment function” attempt better work!

Sigh, I’d delete the entire comment function if I didn’t use it for the homeschool discussion board. Stupid spam!

In other news: there is none, my life is boring (wheee!).

September 15, 2004

heart pangs

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 7:30 am

When my emotional world gets a little shaken and unstable, I can’t really get into writing; takes enough work to not turn into a whining, sniveling brat. Not sure things are really at that point right now, cause though many things feel a bit broken right now, they aren’t fully and time will still wash out what it will and whatever will be will be. que sera, sera.

So, when I look at the rest of life’s happenings there isn’t much to really share other than superficial details that are barely worth the blank space they fill. I have class M-F. I’m enjoying my classes a great deal so far. I’m keeping up on school work. Was happy to realize that I have an assignment due today, that I did on the weekend and it’s already in the folder and ready to be turned in. Same with the paper that is due tomorrow. Hopefully this will keep up.

This is the first day of homeschooling for the girls. My mom is in charge today. I hope to stay at school late to get even more caught up on school work. Just noticed that it is wet outside, wonder if I’m gonna like biking in the rain or not.

September 14, 2004

biking adventures

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 9:22 am

One of the major benefits to going back to school is that I will be biking everyday. Now, I’m sure that this a great opportunity for someone used to biking. And, although I bought my bike earlier this year and have done a couple long rides in the past year, I’m still not comfortable on my bike. It still scares the crap out of me, and this morning, for good reason.

Even though the concept of riding my bike on a crowded campus intimidates me, I slipped into my biking shoes and grabbed my bike. (The ride to school is not the problem, just the ride at school: winding between people, staying on the sidewalks, crossing at cross walks with fear that no one will stop.) And, sure enough, I hadn’t even made it 2 feet up the drive way before the wheels slipped out from under me and I feel into the concrete wall. Ouch!

So, this tells me, I’m not fit for biking. And I tell myself, suck it up and get to school. I’m sure that it’ll become easier the more often I do it. Or I sure hope that will be the case. But if not, well I guess I’ll just keep bloodying my knees and other parts until it is.

September 13, 2004

wireless goodness

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:54 am

… sitting in class and online, what a dangerous opportunity this could be …

September 9, 2004

DRS #21

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 6:07 am

I’ve made it home safe and sound. Was a little shocked to be thrown back into life running fullspeed while I was still runnin about 1/4 speed. The week at burning man was all relaxed and slow, days filled with sitting in the shade, reading and talking, nights spent venturing out into the city but still coming home before too late.

I can’t point out my favorite thing that I saw or my best experience, that is impossible to say the least. But I will go ahead and comment on one rather satisfying moment.

Back in October 2001, I went to [Playa del Fuego] for the first time. While there, I was knocked off my feet by [Alicia Miziolek], her very essence and beauty. When she had a birthday party, goth party, late that year, I used it as an excuse to fly out and see her and then attend my first planning meeting. Of course, I was way too shy to actually do much about it, but I still had a good time and continued my trips out East, always happy to see her. Then, she moved to San Fransico *pout*.

She’s affectionally known as DRS #1, Drunken Redheaded Slut. She gathered up a couple of friends, who fitted the qualifications, and the numbers grew a touch. Well, at burning man this year, she had a mass inauguration of new members. Of course, I was a bit pouty about the fact that non-redheaded folks were now being admitted, but as the evening progressed, I didn’t really care. I’m now officially #21, a number that seems easy enough to remember.

Of course, like I said, I’m not recalling my favorite experience, just one of them that stands out in my mind right now. And, I suppose, one that I am pretty proud of having achieved this status. Perhaps I’ll share more about my week as time passes. Now, it’s time for me to work on organizing my school work and textbooks for today’s classes then to gather some more ideas about homeschooling curriculum ideas. School starts Sept. 15th for the girls, I’d like to actually be ready.