spectating participant

August 27, 2004

tomorrow tomorrow

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 6:45 pm

Tomorrow I hop on a plane and rush off to [Burning Man]. I am excited now, the fun spinning-dizzy kind that has me smile goofyily at everyone and too energetic to really sit still. I got a few more things, some needed, some desired, for the trip, for costuming, to be beautiful. I have some more errands to run and the energy to run them, so I best go. Yay! Wow, tomorrow we leave, tomorrow we leave. I’m almost back among friends, among the dust, among an entire city, an entire week, an entire xistance of expression, of creativity, of vibrant life spilling out in the streets. I can wait to see if in people’s faces, to wacth the city build itself, to see the art come and rise up from nothing. It’s amazing, it steals my heart, messes with my head at the sheer volume of uniqueness. I love this event, this way of living, this person I become when I am there and who I am when I return.

August 25, 2004


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:07 pm

It’s amazing how much you can do in from 8:00am - 11:00 am:

  • eat breakfast
  • go to dr. appt.
  • get gas
  • call the Mental Health office on campus
  • decide on dinner plans
  • call UMD Math Department
  • call UWM Math Department
  • reschedul hours for work
  • call Apple Store (was on hold 20 minutes, bah)
  • make lunch plans
  • call Doctor’s VisionWorks regarding contacts prescription
  • make an appointment with the bipolar specialist psychiatrist
  • call alex’s dad
  • call alex’s grandpa
  • call mom
  • catch up on friend’s websites

Now, it’s about time for me to get to lunch. Maybe Knarphie will actually show up soon, or I’ll give up on that idea and eat leftovers. Then need to get to the library, make pasta salad (if we’re having [Wacky Wednesday]), buy books, see friends, go to dr. office again, and work a few hours before crashing into bed.

Have I mentioned that this is a high stress week? Well, I must say that today sounds pretty damn relaxing in comparison to the last few days. Settling into the stress I guess. Oh well, it’ll improve, it simply must.

August 23, 2004

started a new job, kinda…

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 2:51 pm

So I’m working for the woman that I had the great interview for. We still haven’t discussed the actual confirmation of employment, but she’s confident she’ll be giving me the job. Guess that sounds a little flakey, but I’m not too worried about it.

This week is extremely busy. I get tired just thinking about it. And there is a glimmer of hope for burning man at the end of the week, but even that has no real pull right now. Too much other stuff going on I guess, but I’ll work on getting worked up about it soon.

Not feeling well, maybe just stress accumulating. Oh well, life still moves on its own path, even if you feel like taking the slow, non-bumpy route.

August 22, 2004

tinkerbell tendancies

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 10:35 am

Flighty thoughts, emotions, considerations of fact and imagined possibilities. How life gets sometimes, unable to hold on to a solid thought or emotion right now. Things are in flux right now, just typical life-re-examined flux. But for once, it’s not my flux or my shifting of ideas. Instead, it’s around me, surrounding me, and I’m just waiting for the end of it. Not too sure where I’m at, where I’ll be, or anything right now.

So, since so many things seem too be up in the air, I’m gonna go see a new baby, Dave’s sister’s, and then back out on the boat again. Should be a nice soothing time and maybe everything was just a unpleasant dream.

August 17, 2004

falling off the sky

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:47 pm

ever get the feeling that you got lost and didn’t notice. just going left and right with determination, no longer see that the scenery has changed and you’re the only one who hasn’t noticed. thatís me today.

I fly back and forth between extremes of belonging and being out of place. leaves me sitting in the middle of my life, options and possibilities scattered around me in typical disarray, as I wonder where I sidetracked to get here.

it’s not always a bad feeling; it’s not always a totally life changing feeling either. I used to sit in the middle of my floor, piles of ‘organization’ all around me sorting everything out, and I think of where I wanted to go next. and then all of the piles around me wouldn’t matter any more, cause they are just the shredded remains of a wrong turn, and I’d already taken off on my new adventure. sometimes, I’d get cold feet, go walking back to the piles of organization, their security hard to pass up for the flashy fancy of my emotions. sometimes the backpedaling would last, but typically it’d just buy me more time till I took off again.

can’t help feeling tinges of loneliness for the return to those piles, my attempts to hold myself to an idealize situation, an impossible relationship, always in pursuit of that white picket fence dream. and now, stirring my mind, Iíve got no piles of organization to leave behind, just life turn, turn, turning me around and around and leaving me wondering, am I lost or did my world turn itself inside out and beckon me home.

weekend recap

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:14 am

Friday night - pack [burning man] gear and load it into mark’s [exploder|ford explorer]; crash at [the spa].

Saturday - Dave takes off to NY (picks up Sheldon along the way) and then heads to PA to join Steph and Alex at the cabin. I miss out on this trip to work in the afternoon. Dinner at [Sakura Japanese Steak House] in [Olney, MD] with Mark. The food was great, had the filet, shrimp, and chicken dish: yummy yum yum. Hung out at the spa fort he rest of the evening (well weekend really), hopping in the hot tub right before bed, awww.

Sunday - Was planning on attending the PDF planning meeting. Got kidnapped and drug out on the boat. We went down to [Annapolis, MD] and then to Thomas Point Lighthouse Took lots of pictures, almost none of them turned out right.

Monday - Work. Red! Sleep.

some pictures:

August 16, 2004

Red! and 501!

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 7:49 pm

Yesterday, I posted my 500th entry into my journal. Woot! Too bad I didn’t notice until today and it was a rather boring entry. But, I’m too happy at the moment to really care about that.

So, Red! Red! red! red! RED!

Yeah, thats all I need to say. Most of you should understand exactly what RED implies. Happyhappy suz!

August 15, 2004

return of design

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:08 pm

okay, I got mad at the new design. So, back to this one until I can get the new one looking the way that I want. Oh well, and it is so pointless even discussing this in posts, since the way the page will look will always changed, but the information will always be forced into whatever design tickles my fancy at the moment.

August 14, 2004

star flower

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 10:47 pm

so, in case you haven’t noticed, the site has changed. For those using rss to read this, come and take a look and see it. The flower I found while visiting [Brookside Gardens]. If you want to see more of those pictures, go ahead. I’m still impressed with the quality of images. Of course, now I think that it is the quality of the camera that makes the image. Don’t know what to think now that I am questioning photography as an art.

Anyways, new design isn’t complete, but it is worth letting go for a while. After several glasses of wine and one [sappy movie|City of Angels], it is time for me to give in for the evening. I hope you like it, I know I do.

Who’d have thought, a flower with a star in the middle. How perfect.

august 14, 2004

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 4:16 pm

Summer is already passing away; walking away in a cool, cloudy day. The sky is soft, muted gray, laying tones of softness to the faint breeze of fall. Of course, the weather is playing victim to the passing of Hurricane Charley. We should get a few storms pushed up our way, nothing like Hurricane Isabel from last year.

I finally filled out the home schooling forms today, looks like itís a go for the school year. Yay! I still shiver at the thought of sending Alex back to [Paint Branch Elementary School]. Now she actually has a chance to learn something and enjoy it. Alex is happy of course; she is determined to not have to return to ďthat mean schoolĒ again.

August 12, 2004

whirlwind of words

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 9:05 pm

I get sucked into stories, unable to pull my mind from the words on the pages. I’ve been reading the [Harry Potter] series over the past 2 weeks. Each book has been harder and harder to put down. For [Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone] and [Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban], I kept tracking what I saw in the movie and what I was reading. For the most part, if felt like the movies had followed the plot very well. I think I’ll have to watch [Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets] now.

I was so annoyed by all the hype surrounding these books, I didn’t want to feel like I was just getting sucked into that. And, after finishing [Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire], I understand what the fuss is about. I haven’t been able to tear my mind away from these stories since I started reading them.

I feel myself slipping into daydreams where I am running along with Hermione and Ron from class to class, or helping Hagrid with the creatures he loves to keep. How silly it feels, to be back in the very childish state of fantasy, of living in another world almost. I’m sad to have finished this 4th book, knowing that it’ll be a few hours before I can grab the 5th.

I tried forcing myself to read them slowly, but I was so hungry to know what would happen next, I couldn’t. It’s so hard to savor each word while aching to get to the next paragraph to see what is going to happen. I’m still teetering on the edge of my seat, recovering from the climax of action at the end of [Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire] and feeling foolish (foolishly happy) for it.

August 10, 2004

dusty fingerprints // scattered across my blanket // excitement brewing

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 8:59 pm

I’ve dragged out the trunks and containers, gear and fabric is scattered all over my room. It’s packing time for burning man.

I started this month dragging me feet, not wanting to dive into preparations, wanting to just stay home. I was starting to question why I do this, why - the rest of the year - I find this trip impossible to miss. And now I’m reminded of it. Of how everything in my room is a physical reminder of the happiness it brings.

I’ve watched the years pass and my buckets of costumes become empty. I’ve transferred so many things from being costumes to normal wear. Dresses I used to reserve only for parties and events, ow get worn to work. And the creative projects that used to be for burns only, pushed into boxes the rest of the year, now sit out and get regular attention. What was once just a part of my life, has become the baseline of my life.

I no longer live and work to go to burning man. Instead, it’s that my life is now a constant reminder of that radical self expression that I value. How wonderful it is.

And now, back to packing my one trunk for burning man. I’ve slimmed down in what I take, knowing what will be used and what will simply take up shipping space. I love not feeling like I’m going to forget something major and die. Instead, i can leisurly collect things, toss them in the trunk and know that I’ll be ready this year.

August 5, 2004


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 3:55 pm

Oooh, I’m so excited. Tonight is the first showing of the fluid movement show!

Some friends are coming to the Friday and Saturday show, good thing I’ll have tonight to mess up first ;). Whee!

August 3, 2004

twiddlin’ thumbs

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 6:38 pm

I have an interview this evening. Too little time to consider doing something else, too much time to do nothing. Guess I’ll slip back into the [Harry Potter] books. On the 3rd one now, started the first one last week. I really like the series so far; I am wondering why I didn’t read them sooner.

August 1, 2004

Fluid Movement Performance

Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 11:03 am

All this week, I’m rehearsing or performing for the [Fluid Movement] show: Earth, Wind and the Baltimore Fire.

Check out the link for performance dates and informations about tickets it you want to attend. I’ll be playing with fire with some friends each night. I’m really excited about this, but as today’s rehearsal approaches, I’m realizing that I’m not going to be getting a break till next weekend.

Come and see us, it’s an outdoor performance at Patterson Park in Baltimore. Tickets are reasonably priced and the venue is perfect for a summer evening show.