spectating participant

October 30, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I finished reading [Tipping the Velvet], what a saucy little novel that was. At one point, Rob took a look at the cover of the book and asked “Why are they both naked?” I just smiled, and suddenly it seem to dawn on him why I’d had my nose buried in it all day.

I threw together a list of places and things to [eat|food]. I need to go in and add some of my favorite [Milwaukee|Milwaukee, WI] and [Oklahoma] places. But all in good time.

Working pretty heavily on the Deeply Rooted website. Should have some fun new features to play with soon.

This morning made me cry. It was time for me to go with my mom to return her dog to the pound. I feel terrible about everything that has happened with the dog, cause I was the one that first took a liking to him and encouraged her to take him home. And the fact that he was going to be put to sleep when we dropped him off was hard to bare. Listening to Rob and Kathleen fuss about how wrong it is for my mom to do that bothers me even more. They seem to have the opinion that my mom only got a dog for protection, which while that is one reason for getting him, it certainly isn’t the only reason. When my mom moved to [Wisconsin] she had to leave behind her dog Tara (who was put to sleep this year due to her deteriorating health and age). The new dog was there to make up for the lost companionship and secondly to watch over the house while she was gone. My mom got frustrated with some of the dog’s habits, but she had grown to like him enough to keep working with him to behave. However, the dog was aggressive towards Alex and snapped at her (he had growled at her a few times before). That simply can’t be tolerated. If the dog were to suddenly turn violent towards Alex, she would be defenseless against his large size. Alex was now scared of him and we wouldn’t risk the chance that he would do it again. So, my mom had to take him to the back room and watch as they put him to sleep. We both left the pound trying to hide our tears from each other.

October 29, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Is there anything outside of these walls other than rain? Anything I can place my hands on, anything that real hope has given form to, anything that will make it seem like I have actually done something? Or is there just the murky raindrops, soaking the cold into my skin. Sunlight swallowed whole and held captive. The ransom, I don’t have, the price, I can’t pay. So, I’ll just stand here, in the drak rain, and wonder when there will be anything.

October 26, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Heh. I’m awake, baking muffins made from raw pumpkin and getting caught up on not-so-local politics.

[Jamyi Witch], the first [Wiccan] minister serving as a chaplain in a [Wisconsin] correctional facility, has been ousted by a local clergy group: http://www.channel3000.com/news/1740017/detail.html.

October 25, 2002

Book Review: Tipping The Velvet

Filed under: review, books — suzanne henderson @ 2:53 pm

Fiction novel by Sarah Waters

Sarah Waters creates a wonderful novel exploring a young girl’s fancy of women in the late 1800’s. Young Nancy Astley is swept away from her oyster serving family by a music hall masher, Kitty Butler. Tipping the Velvet follows her struggles as she struggles to hide her identity and eventually finds acceptance as a tom.

The historical richness is expertly paired with the passionate encounters to make this novel a success. Once I started reading, I could hardly put it down.

Wondering what ‘tipping the velvet’ means? Something that would prolly happen between a girl and her female lover at some point. Don’t think I need to be any more specific than that.


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I have been looking at this picture since last night. I accidentally clicked on it when my eyes moved toward one of the random images on [epistolary]. For reasons beyond my comprehension, this picture disturbs me. More than an “I don’t like itö feeling, it is truly violating some part of myself and sending vibes of unease through my bones. I’m not sure if it is simply some remnant of a dream where the world was falling out of focus as I slid down the drain of life or maybe it is the statement of the damp, emptiness of existence that is so bright and bold everything around it is pushed out of focus. Whatever it is, this picture disturbs me.

October 24, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Well, I think that I am officially depressed. Whine. I even annoy and bore myself. There are not very many projects that I am working on that are keeping my interests for more than a minute or two. Mostly the problem seems to be that I start working on one thing and realize I should really be working on something else. A soon as I start something else, another thing comes to mind that I need to be doing. Grr. It’s not productive. Add into all of that the fact that I feel like I don’t have my good friend to talk to anymore, not since I moved at least, and that feels pretty strange and unexpected. But I’m sure it cause I’m screwing up somehow, if I figure out how, hoepfully I get things back to the way they were.

Also, it hasn’t felt sunny in a while. And unfortunatly, this house seems to be cursed with terrible lighting. If I could just install some of those mega-watt bulbs that you seen at construction site on the highway at night, maybe that would take care of some of this slumpness I’m feeling. But until then, I’m off to find my flashlight to see if I can find anymore good things hidden in the boxes in the basement.

Yipee for [BobbyG] who is off to another weekend at [Deeply Rooted]. I’ve missed so many good work weekend opportunities since I left. I wish I had gone up there more while I was there, I miss it (and the people). But if I’m have my way, I’ll have some exciting news about a weekend event up there to announce soon.

October 23, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I’m not going to get too excited, but it looks like I may have finally found some work. Sent my resume off this morning, had a response back within the hour, called her back for a quick phone screening, made an appointment for 1:30pm this afternoon, and was told that they have work for me if I’m ready to start soon. This is a good things, I think. Of course, I’m a little wary of [temp agencies], but at least it is a place to start. And some of them aren’t too bad, I just hate the ones that steal all your time taking test after test, just to decide that they don’t actually have anything available at the moment but they’ll keep you on file. And since I’ve got that scheduled, I better go pound some grommets into my [corset] so my mom can get started on my formal [ren faire] outfit. Whee, too bad I didn’t get to use it this summer, but maybe it’ll be ready for any costume parties I want to go to.

October 22, 2002

Book Review: Odd Girl Out

Filed under: review, books — suzanne henderson @ 3:21 pm

Non-fiction book by Rachel Simmons

Rachel Simmons has tackled the unspoken aggression in girls. Labeled alternative aggression, Simmons displays case after case of the ways girls use exclusion, threats of losing friendship, and undetected aggression.

Any woman that has experienced this hidden aggression will find this book to be a vivid reminder of everything that has ever been do to or done by girls growing up. Simmons focuses on how girls maintain damaging relationships, use group support when in conflict, silently attack other girls with body language, and float below the parent-teacher radar.

For parents and educators unfamiliar with this type of aggression, Odd Girl Out gives specific examples of cruelty and the devastating effects it can have.

The only downside to the book is the extensive examples included. As a adult woman who has experience these alternative aggressions first hand, I didn’t need the page after page description of other girls problems. But for anyone trying to understand or first realizing this is a problem, Rachel Simmons provides a wealth of information to dive into.

Some key points that jumped out at me were:

Alternative aggression is just as damaging as physical violence. In some cases, it may even be worse. There were multiple cases of girls developing serous mental and anxiety problems as a direct result of the cruelty they were facing from other girls. Additionally, our culture has often defined the difficulties girls face as “just a phase” or “social skills” that girls have to deal with. However, Simmons and other researchers are finding this is not the case, alternative aggression is a serious topic.

Parents and teachers need to be aware and carefully watch for these specific types of aggression. It is often consider a silent fight or quiet battle because girls are good at playing the “good girl” in front of teachers and parents, yet still giving mean looks, whispering about a girl to their friends, spreading rumors, and writing mean notes. There is rarely any physical or definitive evidence that something is happening.

One reason there is this type of aggression in girls is because they are given conflicting messages about how they are supposed to act. In a society that tells girls that they can be anyone they want to be, they are still faced with the views that they should be quiet and well mannered. This conflict of expectations makes t difficult for them to discover ways to resolve conflicts and deal with anger.

Some things parents, teachers, and girls can do to deal with alternative aggression:

Parents need to:
- actively listen
- ask about your daughters day everyday.
- get the facts about any problems
- help plan out strategies for dealing with aggression
- switch school (if possible, it has shown to help several cases)
- or enter into a new after-school activity
- talk with teacher, guidance counselors, and school officials
- do this after doing everything else you can to solve the problem, not as a first solution
- let your daughter know that you are aware of the way girls can be mean
- sympathize and don’t downgrade the situation

Teachers need to:
- keep aware of possible aggression in the classroom
- explain aggression and what types are not acceptable (include alternative aggression)
- check out The Ophelia Project
- check out The Empower Program

Girls neet to:
- have open/honest talks with their friends about how to deal with anger
- get help, talk to someone
- get rid of the friend (this is harder than it sounds)
- find a new activity
- know that it will end

This book goes into the social and economic differences of aggression in girls. It also discusses way to deal with aggression as it is happening. The list above is a vague generalization; please pick up the book to get a better understanding of the best way to deal with this problem.

I suggest any educator or parent of young girls pick up this book and read through it. The hidden aggression in girls is a powerful force in a girl’s childhood and has long-term effects on life. It is about time that someone decided to tackle this issue and raise awareness about it.


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I have 32 minutes to write and I have a lot to write about. Here goes…

Last [Thursday|October 17, 2002], [Leah Marcus] had a birthday gathering at [Last Chance]. I was not planning on attending since I had [Alex] that evening. However, after stopping by my mom’s house, I suddenly had a babysitter for the evening. [Rob|Rob Carlson] commented that we could still make it to Last Chance. Whee! But wait, I had left my id at home. Rob pointed out that it was a pub and that it wouldn’t be a problem for me to go without my id (as long as I didn’t order a beer). So, we headed down to [Columbia|Columbia, MD] and found everyone gathered to celebrate Leah’s birthday. But, it turns out that Thursday nights are the only nights that Last Chance cards everyone coming in the door. It seems that their Thursday night $2 drafts are pretty popular and they had some problems. We pleaded with the hostess, pleaded with the manager, but didn’t win. So, Leah decided that if I couldn’t come to her party we would move the party somewhere else. Yippee! So, after a bit of [cat herding], we were off to another bar in Ellicott City and I got to hang out with al my friends after all. I love living here.

Went for a hike at [Gunpowder Falls Park] yesterday with Alex. It was funning taking any trail that looked interesting to her. We got to see three long snakes that we had accidentally disturbed while they were warming themselves in the sun. Alex wasn’t to eager to stay at the park after finding the snakes, her jaunts off to less worn paths were not as spontaneous as before. After a little reassuring and an almost endless discussion on snake behaviors, snake likes, snake dislikes, and snake temperament, she finally got back to fully exploring the park. We followed a trail down to the river, and Alex was eager to hop along the rocks as far as she could go. She found it pretty funny when I wasn’t as graceful and balanced as her and I slipped into the water a few times (thank goodness for boots). At one point, Alex tells me “This is great, just like living!”. I’m not sure what it meant, other than she was having a wonderful time. As we headed back to the car, she let me know that the park was a great idea and it was a good day. I got several pictures that are available in her private gallery.

[Monday|October 21, 2002] was craft night at Amy’s house. I only brought a sketch book, but I did get several designs completed. I spent most of the time enjoying the company and the conversations. Craft Night Pictures.

The last thing I wanted to write about it the school reaction to the [DC Sniper Shootings]. Yeah, it sucks that this happening so close to where we live; yeah, people are scared. But I have a hard time placing my life, or my daughter’s life, on hold out of fear. The [Baltimore County School District] has cancelled all outdoor activities (like recess) and all field trips. I hate that my daughter is trapped indoors all day. I hate that the students are being told that it is keeping them safe, but also being told that they shouldn’t be scared either. To me, that is a confusing messages: “Don’t be scared, you’re safe; just don’t go outside.” To top if off, my daughter thinks that the “bad men” are on the playground, which is why they can’t go outside. That seems to be a pretty heavy thought to have when you are seven-years-old. Of course, I doubt the school likes this any more than parents do. And Rob pointed out that no school principal wants to be responsible if they allow activities as usual and something bad happens. I just hate that an individual has this much impact on our lives and that everyone is letting fear get out of hand. I hope this can be resolved, people can start feeling safe when out in public, and the life will look a little more normal soon.

October 19, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Age is finally settling in. I walked past a young girl carrying a infant into a store and thought “That girl is too young to have a child.” Who am I to talk? Yeah, I’m 22 and my child isn’t an infant anymore, but now she is 7. Doesn’t take a deep thinker long to figure out the math on that one. Maybe because I have been there done that with [teenage pregnancy] and [teenage motherhood], I feel the justification to criticize the youth turned parent. I’ve met so many young parents that don’t know how to be good parents, but what choice do they have? While the choice of [adoption] or [abortion] may seem to be a good alternative for adults, when facing those decisions at 14, 15, 16 or younger, it is a complicated decision. I don’t buy into the logic that girl do it to get attention, I believe it is simply another case of [youth invincibility]. They don’t think anything will happen to them, they think they can bend the [rules for safe sex] and get away with it. And it makes me sad that I, an aging case of teenage pregnancy, can’t come up with a useful solution. I think it is about time I start examining the issue a little more closely and get re-involved with the teenage parenting community in finding ways to reduce future cases of teenage pregnancy. In the meantime, I don’t think that limiting or exterminating [sex education] in schools is a solution.

October 18, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I got my hair cut yesterday at [Great Clips]. I am semi-happy with it, about what I expected for a 10 dollar hair cut. I cut all the length off and finally have it short again. I’m happy that it is short, but I’m kinda missing the long stuff already. Of course, since I only pulled it back all the time, it didn’t make sense to have it long.

[Alex] got her hair cut a couple days ago at the [Hair Cuttery]. I was very unhappy with the way the lady treated her. She seemed to have very little patience for dealing with a child. When washing Alex’s hair, she kept forcing Alex to hold her head back, even when the stylist was fidgeting with soaps and towels. And I’ve had my hair washed enough time to know that it hurts to lean back to get your hair washed when you don’t fit in the chair. But, the woman didn’t give Alex any slack. Then, while cutting her hair, she also had little tolerance for the small faces Alex was making in the mirror. While I know Alex needed to be still, I also understand that most kids are going to have a hard time not making faces when sitting in front of a large mirror. The haircut looked good, so I guess that is all that matters, however we won’t go back for a second cut.

October 15, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

[Playa del Fuego] is over. We were there despite the rain and mud and had a damn fine time. The weather was exactly what my [Wisconsin]-missing heart needed. The mud brought back the wonderful chilly reminders of weekends spent at [Deeply Rooted] and the tasty meals were proof that I was again camping with friends. I did more [rangering|Playa del Fuego Rangers] this time and learned several things the first time I volunteered to be shift lead. It was a good eye opener for what rangers need to know and why we have rangers at events like this. So, I’ll be abandoning my belief that rangers are unnecessary and start advocating for more support for the group.

I’m tossing around the idea of giving up ticket coordination. It’s been fun but I’m starting to feel the need to pull back a little. The ticket system is getting close to complete, and if I can get someone else to just handle all the checks and ticket mailing, I can prolly stay involved. That would also free up more time to work on getting good tickets printed in advance and not waiting till the last minute on everything. Plus, then I can pair up with [vees] to help keep the website up-to-date and well organized. Yeah, I just might do that.

[Fishy] has a new look. While I loves using [css|cascading style sheets] on the last version, I was disappointed to hear when it didn’t format correctly on all browsers. So, back to the wonderful table standby and hopefully it looks the same for everyone now. Well, it’s after 9:30, time to get back to job hunting.

October 7, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I’ve been reading a new book, [Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls]. This book closely examines the often overlooked or socially acceptable ways girls show aggression towards each other. Any woman who has told her significant other about how catty and backstabbing girls can be knows about this hidden aggression. And while it is socially acceptable for boys to fight things out physically, girls are restricted by the constant message that they should be “nice.” This ends up forcing girls to internalize their feelings of anger and act out in way unnoticeable to teachers and parents. The scary part of this expression of anger is that adults have often mislabeled it as “social skills” that the girls have to go through. They lack the ability to see that emotional and verbal abuse is just as harmful, if not more so, as physical punching and kicking. In an age that is so concerned over the self-esteem in children, it’s important for parents and teachers to recognize this quiet aggression and help their daughters or students get through it successfully.

I saw [Spirited Away] last night. This movie was wonderful; I’ve never been so impressed by animation. The storyline and plot were original and the artwork was intriguing. When discussing it with Dave and Steph, Steph pointed out that it might be hard to tell people how it takes place in an enchanted bathhouse. I agree. It doesn’t have the usual location settings of most American films, and rightfully so. It’s about time we get a fresh face on movies and a new look at animation. Woo, foreign films!

October 4, 2002

Book Review: Cat’s Eyes

Filed under: review, books — suzanne henderson @ 2:51 pm

Fiction Novel by Margaret Atwood

[Cat’s Eyes] follows the main character’s transition from child to woman. Atwood describes the cruelty between girls with acurate detail. When discussing this book for a college lit class, the women in the room readily confirmed the actions between Elaine and her “friends.” Atwood has been caled a feminist writer, but I do not see that portrayed in this novel. For me, Cat’s Eyes is a portrayal of a girls struggle through childhood and coming to terms with feminism as a woman.

Rachel Simmons includes an excerpt from Cat’s Eye in her non-fiction book: [Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls]

October 3, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

My little room is starting to look like a room. Rob and I got the bedt set up, I’l throw a mattrase and tons of throw pillows on it soon to turn it into a little couch. My table should be upstairs tonight or tomorrow. Ride/tent share is now working. So, looks like I’m pretty caught up one things for a change. now, to get some housework taken care of…

October 1, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Wow. I’m in [Parkville, MD] and all my stuff is here to. Somewhere in the basement, I assume. I slipped in a hole while unloading the truck, heard something “pop”, and froze as I tried to get myself to calm down from the pain and get over it. I twist my ankle all the time, I think it has something to do with the way my feet turn in and how my arch falls. But this time, I quickly realized I wasn’t going to shake it off. Finally yelled for my mom to come down and give me a hand and the realized that in the middle of moving is not the best time to have this happen. So, I’m pretty crabby about it. It makes me look lazy and unhelpful,it places my responsibilities on other people, and shows me that I am not invincible. I’m mad. Yeah, accidents happen. Yeah, there isn’t much I can do about it. But damnit, I don’t have time for this. My mom tried pointing out that I’ll just have to lay off and that pushing myself won’t help. I would argue if I didn’t have knee surgery two years ago. The surgery had nothing to do with wether I can help, however, I ended having the surgery because I injured my knee when I first moved to Wisconsin and never stopped. I forced myself to keep going even though the pain and swelling were obvious indications that I needed to ease up some more. And when going to a doctor about it, over a year later, I learned that surgery might have been avioded if I had come in when the problem started. So.. There I sat, all lazy looking, while Rob and Steve hauled boxes and my mom worked hard keeping their arms full of em. I hated watching her get so tired and worn out since I knew her shoulder still gives her problem from her surgery and that she will be going n for knee surgery as soon as she gets insurance again. Yeah, I feel like crap. I had to get upstair butt first and that was a chore. But I’ve sent off another request for help moving and am going to go back downstairs and refresh this ice pack. Geeze, I don’t have time for this.