spectating participant

August 24, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Well, today is the day. I head out in about 9 hours from now. Not really sure how I feel about all of it though. All the stress has taken it’s toll and now I’m seriously wondering if I have made a big mistake by saying that I would go. Basically, it stems from the fact that the love of my life is on the otherside of the country, about to buy a house so Alex and I can live with him, and I’m running off in the other direction. What do you do when everything inside of you is telling you that you should be there too? What do you do when everything inside of you is telling you that you should be heading down the long highway on a too-long car trip with your best friend? Wish I could find some way to make it all feel right. Either way, I’m stepping on toes and feelings, and it scares me to think that I could possibly be making my love feel less important or less valued just because I felt it was important to make this trip. And, no, this isn’t stemming from any guilt trip he’s laid down, nah, he’s been wonderful about the whole situtation (once we got it figured out at least) but it’s still twirling me in all direction. At this rate, I’m gonna need something far stronger than lithium to calm me down and level me out a bit.

Since I’m gonna be gone for a while, figured I would drop down to 5 most recent entries and throw out 15 random ones for anyone interested and seeing what’s happened to me in the last year. Yeah, egotistical, I know, but when you got [google] toying with your emotions, you gotta pimp the self esteem a little.