spectating participant

December 31, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

part 1:

So, I’m tired of driving and finally get to stop and trade off for a while. We pull off and stop at this gas station. We sit arguing in the car about who is going to pump or pay for gas, paying no attention to the fact that there is no one around. We continue arguing while getting out of the car and grab the gas pump, and I cannot figure out why the pump is not telling me how much gas is. Of course, I am still stuck on making sure that I win the argument and that I am right, so I keep chatting while finally taking my first real look around the station. And finally, I see the CLOSED sign staring out at me. And we are not taking about a past-business-hours closed sign; this is a full-fledge out-of-business closed sign. Once it dawned on me, I couldn’t stop laughing. Wow, hadn’t laughed so hard in a while.

part 2:

You always know you’re gonna miss something when you have had too much to drink and you stumble out to the car to crash. I mean, you can’t possibly be in two places at once, so whatever takes place in the bar is out of sight, out of mind. But I never realized just how much I would miss Friday night when I was sleeping off some tequila.

Here I’m snoozing, half-awake, fully-drunk, half-aware of what is going on. Then out rushes the torrent of drunk-excited voices, sputtering out curses and unrecognizable statements. Augments over who is kicked out and who can go back in spill in through the now open car door. Shouts of frustration pull me a little closer to sober (but still a few shots too far gone for it to matter). Of course, I have no clue what is happening or why, I don’t really care either. I just want to figure out a way that I can go back to my peaceful sleep. But instead, the hyper drunk voices decided to pile in next to me. I hear my name but I can tell they are not talking to me. Guess that I am drunk enough to warrant concern. I don’t really mind. I find that familiar and comfortable shoulder and return to my conscious dreaming. I am awake enough to be concerned about whether or not I will make it home alive. But instead of bringing up this valid inquiry, I make myself as relaxed as possible so that any collision will hopefully not cause too much damage.

The voices continue, now magnified by cramped quarters, and the argument about who was kicked out continues. Here I keep thinking that I must have missed something good. Too bad I can’t say that I got kicked out of backwards-bar in Oklahoma, but I can still be proud knowing that my family did. I still have no clue about what happened and also know that my drunk counter parts will prolly be of little help with filling out the blanks and I just don’t care enough to wake up enough to ask. So I just file it away and plan to ask about it later (which I never did). But I get home alive, after the need-more-beer-pit-stop, and stumble off to the bedroom to get some real sleep. I make it to the bed and catch fragments of conversation that seem to be about me. But I don’t have the energy or desire to join in, so instead, I just sleep and who knows what I missed then.

December 28, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

My visit to OKC is almost over and I am not sure if I want to stay longer or leave sooner. Funny how a long overdue trip can be so emotional draining. I love seeing family, but the break from normal life is killing me. Being away from my home, my things, my technology is difficult. I guess that I am addicted, but is it such a bad thing? Here I have been away from my life for over a week and now I will need another full week to catch up.

December 27, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Being back in Oklahoma is more fun and more stressful than I thought it would be. Hanging with Shanna is wonderful. I miss goofing around with her and I sure wish she would move closer to me. We (me, mike, alexis, shanna, shelby, sarah) explored downtown Oklahoma City. I am surprised at how much it has changed since I moved. There is also a major difference from the cold-nose walking tour of downtown Milwaukee. The building styles were so different, I was glad to have my camera along. I kept catching glimpses of perfect pictures. We headed over the OKC Bombing Memorial. I didn’t think the visit would affect me very much, but once I stood there on the actual grounds, the endless hours of mind-numbing media coverage came flooding back to me. The thoughts of the murdered children and all the families who are missing loved ones was striking. I am still shocked at the impact it had. Despite the emotional fluxuation, the tour was still fun. Once we got home, it was about time for boredom to set in. So, in normal Oklahoma fashion, we started looking for something to drink.

December 26, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Traveling down the interstate, heading to Oklahoma, I find beautiful destruction. Just passing through an industrial area, a decorative cloud rises from a factory. The shade shrouded, dirt-tinted, fluff sneaking across the sky, starkly contrasted against the sunburned clouds is enchanting. How pretty it is, photo-locked memory in my mind. My camera out of reach and the miles blurring past, leave me to contemplate the fact that beauty is burned out of destruction, filtering chemicals into my lungs, cutting into the eyes that admire it. And I realize just how beautiful destruction can be.

December 24, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

What a weekend. What a burn. This burn was something else, the beginning of something more. Saturday night crept up early. It was pitch black by 5pm. Fire spinning started early. I was so anxious to start spinning. The fire kept calling to me but tasks kept jumping in the way. Finally, after multiple attempts, I was able to pick up my poi, splash on the kero, and walk over to the fire.

It was exciting to watch Tony videotaping Mike and Bobby’s spinning. I knew that I was about to take center stage with spinning and that added in a whole new element. I jumped right into action, what a set!

December 14, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

How many times do I have to think about something before I finally do it? How many times must it cross my mind and get considered before I actually act on it? If it were something I enjoy, wouldn’t it be most logical to go through with it without overanalyzing? Well, too bad nothing happens that way. So, perhaps, instead of thinking about acting, I should go and work on something I have been meaning to do for weeks now. Should throw a to-do list online, that way I get embarrassed to see how many things are still there weeks later. Ah, but then it would be easier to just delete that page instead of working on it. Oh well, it was worth the thought.

December 11, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

So, I thought that I wouldn’t mind having this posting here. But then I thought about it some more and decided that maybe it does bother me. So, I guess that I am just as wishy-washy as ever and maybe I should just not commit anything into writing. Cause who knows when I will decide that I really didn’t want to say that. Or maybe, I really didn’t want to say that to everyone. So I will just delete this entry and go on to new things. It was nice while it lasted.

December 7, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Waking up and venturing into the shower has become a chore. Pillow soft persuasion is making it more and more difficult every morning. Gotta get over it though, don’t have time to be lazy when the alarm goes off. Perhaps getting some real sleep will help. Ah, but there are just so many reason to be awake. Life is catching up with me again, too many things happening in too little time. But I have a wonderful distraction to it all and don’t mind it at all. So perhaps it is an okay thing.

December 6, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Meow. Headache again today. Getting tired of them at this point. Maybe if I start getting some sleep for a change that will help. Or get a normal eating pattern established. But that would take work, and of course, I am too lazy to do it. I have some more ideas instead. Have been itching to go out and do the photo tour of Milwaukee Architecture again. This desire hits me every couple of months and I haven’t done it yet. Maybe tomorrow I just take off and drive all over the city looking at the buildings that I love. Maybe I should limit it to just a church tour first and then do interesting buildings another time. That is an idea.

Part of the Baltimore contingent is coming out to Wisconsin for the Winter Solstice Burn and want to show him all the really neat stuff in Milwaukee. Ah, but what if my interests vary too much from his. What if he finds my interests to be totally boring? Maybe I just shouldn’t worry about it. Not like I get to show people Milwaukee all that often and I am just really excited about it. Ah, we could go on a joint photo safari. Hopefully he enjoys the trip. I sure enjoyed mine out to Baltimore.

December 5, 2001


Filed under: unlisted — suzanne henderson @ 12:00 am

Okay, so what am I doing still writing? Well that was all last weekend stuff. Maybe I wanna talk about today a little bit. Maybe I just like the self-important trip I get when writing this stuff. Maybe I like the click of the keyboard. Whatever it is, I am still writing.

I have a fairly new pair of tennis shoes. I think new shoes is almost equal to sex or something similarly splendid. You are able to walk around as if it is a brand new ground beneath you. There is the spring in your step and everything just seems to be perfect. I love it. And then add to that the odd comfort of guy∆s boxer-brief underwear. Now, I won’t go into why I am wearing them, but they are oddly comfortable and I wonder why girls don’t wear things like this. But then again, I would sure hate to give up my collection of g-strings too. But there is this odd comfort of brand new tennis shoes, boxer-briefs, new socks, a well-worn tee shirt, and comfortable jeans. Great for a 65-degree December day. Better get outside and take advantage of it.